Puzzled

I have been thinking lately... if I have been spoiled by the American life and the answer is a definite yes, well to a certain extent. I'm actually a little puzzled about myself right now. I think in my home country I used to look at things for what they were...maybe cruel things, ugly things, pure things, but they were there. Here I find it is harder for me to judge what things are or appear to be. I think I don't judge people to judge them, but I know unvilingly my brain is forming an oppinion immediately weather I like it or not.
I know my acceptance for things has grown tremendously, and with it the sense of being surprised has dwindeled, because it is all on TV and it seems that nothing else is surprising. Yet when you go back to the simple things, there are a lot of beautiful and nice things left to wonder about like blooming trees and happy days.

I feel often like a log floating down the river, not really caring where it leads me, but yet I know I judge things that have passed by me on my jurney. I often feel like I have nothing to say and as if my brain has no capacity for storing information or what I observe, but yet once in a while I find myself talking and not being able to stop, the thoughts just pouring out of my brain, most of them haven't even been formulated. Often because they aren't processed I will find myself saying one thing in one sentence without noticing that my own next sentence disputes my first sentence and I don't even agree with my own thoughts. Bizarre. It is as if I'm a vacuume cleaner sucking up words, phrases information not knowing I have it and at moments spitting things out, hoping that they will fit to a certain situation. Sometimes they fit and sometimes they don't.
I wonder through what growth process do I still have to go through to start feeling like I can organize my own thoughts long term.