it's friday it's friday and it's time to leave the work:)

...I had coke today, diet, but it has made me anxious again. Clock is ticking fast towards 5.00p.m. It's almost time to leave and relax and start the prep work for the vacation....slowly but surely. I'm anxious I guess I said that already. I feel lonely, but not in a bad way. I will have to fly alone, which I don't like. I'd rather fly with someone.
When I fly alone I feel for the length of flight separated from everyone as if I don't exist neither here nor there. I'm in the transiton zone and I don't belong anywhere, I'm all alone even though there are thousands of people around and the airport is more like an ant farm. Still the path is alone. I would enjoy it greatly to share the time with someone, to share the experiance and share the hours of travel with someone.
I'm looking forward to flying with my mom....I think it will be an amazing experiance. For the sheer fact that I hope she will be able to relax and I will be able to smile at the fact that she will not have to stress out, like she usually does when she flies alone.
I have many wonderful and close friends but occasionally I feel so disconected from everyone. Everyone has their own path and everyone's on their own cycle, bus, plane, time zone, mood, mood-swing, agenda. It is difficult to syncronize and make the speed of life slow down just to the right tempo necessary to feel the togetherness. I'm willing to learn the syncronization process, I just don't see anyone walking the same line in the same direction, which could very well be that I'm not seeing things that are infront of me.

I just finished selecting the grout colors for the tile installation for one of the projects and the color names remind me of the pattern that I hope will apply to my life in couple of days: DeLorean Gray->Perle->Bright White-> and maybe after that eternal bliss:)

How evil r u:)?

http://www.blogthings.com/howevilareyouquiz/


I'm 38% evil:) he he he.

I'm nervous

...sitting through the last hours at work.
I received couple emails from my past to be, pushing me to separate our financial interests. For the first time I'm realizing that he might be playing the game I thought he would be too kind to play, and I'm realizing that maybe he didn't used to be such a selfless man as I used to think he is. For the first time I'm realizing that I better harden fast and leave all the idilic ideas of a friendly future existance behind and understand that money has started to rule our paths.
I feel week and scared and pressured. So cinical, I was offered a free TV for the fast and speedy resolution of finances:) when it is well known by this society ( and finally I'm starting to believe it too) that I do deserve more then what I presummed myself worthy of receiving. I don't want to deal with it and yet I feel that spite is growing inside of me and I will fight. Were unfairly treated I will welcome the adrenaline rush that a self-defense mechanism produces.

It is Friday again, lots of things to do over the weekend. Foremost the front lawn needs major weeding, maybe in the last hours of this evening. I need to start thinking about packing for my home and need to think of little small something's for the loved ones. And while dealing with all of that the Monday will be here again too soon.

Lidz Pirmdienai:)

15 days to vacation

It's been almost a month since I last wrote. What has changed?:) I'm much closer to my vacation.....yei. Work has slowed down a little bit, the summer is in full heat to be precise...close to 90 degrees every day. But most of the time I'm not feeling it, because I'm at work infront of my faithfull computer or at home again by the computer or in bed trying to catch up on sleep that I never have enough. My plans for buying my own place have faded in the far background. Things that seemed simple, turned out to be more complicated. More roommates are in order and more renting in order before I get a place to call my own, but maybe it isn't so bad, maybe meeting new people again will benefit me in one way or another long term. New people, new relationships, new experiances.
...I recently found the advantage of Goodwill shopping and I believe will indulge in this positive factor also this coming weekend. My favorite cousin is getting married and I need to look for little trifly things to take with me to Latvia. I got her already a gift, a cheap treasure find:) for marely $30.00. Now the problem is to get it in one piece to Latvia. Who knows what treasures this saturday shopping will bring:)
Would like to go and see the new Johny Depp movie and realize again how lucky some women are:) to be married to Johny Depp:) he he he. But mostly I'm looking forward to seeing my family again, my mom, my country, my apartment (which will need lots of prep work to be rented out), my friends and new clubs to go to and discover. I was advised the club that was hot last year in Riga isn't so hot anymore, so there is more to discover.

I was writting a post card to my dad this morning. Trying to warn him of my personality. It will be a major emotional turmoil once I get to Bulgaria. How do you get to know someone from scratch in 10 days. Someone you should have been knowing your whole life? I know I tend to be resistant and hesitant and cinical at the outstart of the reletionship expecially if I'm expected to show my feelings. And in a case of building father-daughter relationship I can see it can't be avoided. I'm not sure what it will bring. I guess it would be too selfish to wish for beautiful days at beech and getting a tan. I will probably need to spend time learning about my new family, trying not to offend them and trying not to be offended myself. Trying to understand what they expect from me and what have I gotten myself into by trying to bridge a 24 year old gap and giving us all a second chance at getting to know each other.


I finally got my GC from USCIS and it brought a huge sigh of relief. Now the next step is coming to restore myself to full independence and try to find happyness again somewhere somehow. How- is not known, but I appreciate all the things that have been tought to me in the process and for what I've observed in the process. The life is the best school one can go through.