things happening for a reason?

I really want to stick to this belief that things happen in our lives for a reason, otherwise this life has too many questions and not enough answers. I'm scared to believe that everything in life is a big chance and circumstance...it would mean that too many important things in life are left up to a chance. It would mean too many important relationships could have not happened if I was a minute early or a minute too late somewhere, somehow. I am scared in general about what I am basing my belief system on. I put faith in my parents, but I saw that they have faults and I couldn't feel secure in relying on them. I tried to rely on religion, but then after a certain point too many questions arose that didn't have answers and too many people had too many ideas about religion and it's goodness and purpose, so that didn't seem to be reliable. I tried to rely on my partner for life, yet faults (and now I see that not necessarily his alone but mine as well) kept arising and battering my faith in the unison of two people. I tried relying on the friends (and this one isn't absolutelly prooved to not be working) because I have some good friends in my life that have helped me in hard times, yet they have their own lives and after a good advice and a supporting shoulder they will recede to their place of peace and comfort. More frequently then not I return to the thought that a person should find happiness within and not put their faith and source of happiness in noone else but themselves. But either I'm not at the self fulfillment level yet where I could see how this statement is true or I am sad and afraid to realize and accept that this statement could be true. That there wouldn't be anything and anyone in this world in whom and what we could put unconditionally our faith and thoughts into and receive and unwavering guarantee that it will be there for us. That it will understand us and console us. That it will support us and guide us in our moment of weekness or pat us on the back in our walk of victory. I can strive to go towards a goal where I can be self fulfilling and seek for happiness within, but I am not perfect and never will be, so is it not an error in itself, to rely and seek happiness in myself...who is not perfect and ever-questioning and seeking. Right now it feels incredibly lonely to put all of my hope in myself:)...it sounds funny:)...but I guess what else is there for us....even from all the 6 and more billion people, how come there is noone or nothing else I can rely for happiness but myself. An endless sea of people yet no-one to look for answers but myself?...a statistic just popped in my head...that January is the month with the highest suicide rate....I wonder if other people are pondering similar thoughts to mine in this "blue" month and having found no answers, venture to call it quits and wait for no answers and erase themselves from the race of finding the anwers to millions of questions about everything that this life is and is not...