Frustrating

...it is only Wednesday, it is only 4.27p.m. in the afternoon. There is a happy hour tonight at friends company, but I'm not even looking forward to it. If I survive this whole week it will be a colossal accomplishment. It is so hard to be back, so hard to give up vacation and force myself to sit infront of the computer and bend my mind towards something that is work related.

I want to hear familiar voices around me that I grew to love over my vacation but none of them are here and I feel left on a lonely island. The bills, the responsibilities...are like chains around my arms, that have tied me to this place at this time and are keeping me from things I found during my vacation...
....I have sent multiple emails to a new found friend, but have not received any answer, I'm wondering if he has computer access at all. And the dear moments that we shared a week ago are slowly fading away like fog. I need to have some continuation in order to keep believing that the moments were real and not my imagination. But all I have is an email address that is keeping quiet.
...if anyone has any suggestions as to the fast lifting of spirits after vacation time is over, please shoot them my way because I desperately need them...

Back in DC dispersing Latvian goods:)
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In Sofia celebrating Ivo's Birthday.
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Last hour with my dad.
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Playing cards with hot Serbian guys:)
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By the hidden beach with my dad.
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Nesebar...old town
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Nesebar
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I and dad, before another night out on town.
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My hot date for the night:)
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My cousin & I before Disco night.
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Brigita & Riko
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Hometown
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Vecmeitu Liiksmiibas.
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back in DC

I am back but not really. I can't believe my vacation is over, everything around me says and indicates that it is over....I'm not laying by the beautiful Black Sea obviously anymore, I'm sitting by the computer and walking the concrete streets of DC, and sleep is killing me right about now.

The flight back was normal. I was stuck in-between two people again on the airplain, even thought while flying over to Europe and having the same situation I swore to myself to make sure I'm sitting either by window, or aisle. I did forget about it and unfortunatelly had same problem. It is simply impossible to sleep in the middle seat on the airplain, no place to put your head.
I paid all my bills already today and emptied my bank account. What a life. Bills, bills and more bills. I have about 768 photos that I have to edit and look over from my 3 week vacation and about 20 or more short videos:)
I want to live in Europe again, I have Europe and casual narrow street walking and leisurely living running thought my vains and it will be awhile I feel before I will want to be back in DC and work like a slave. American employers really need to give their employees more vacation time. How people here survive on 2 week vacation I have absolutelly no clue. All I know is that it isn't enough for me.
Ok. I will try to post some pictures here tonight or sometime soon. Something nice and memorable to which I can return on boaring work days (altought such shouldn't existing in the design industry:)?!:) Right?:)

time to fly:)
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it is 4 h before the flight:)

I'm happy, happy. I'll get to see my mom and my dear ones again. 3-1/2 weeks is really not that long of a vacation. I'm sure I'll blink and it will be over but for now it is time to fly:)

moving and moving again

..so here it is almost an empty room. I am almost done packing, couple more things to fit in the suitcase and I'm ready to depart for vacation. Also I have to free up a room for a new roommate. I hate moving but it is so good, because it forces you to clean and get rid of so much unnecessary paperwork, that otherwise just sits around and builds up clutter.
..it seems this August will be a month of moves. My dear mentor and her bf are moving to big apple to get a bite of fresh life. I am moving from one room into another. Our third roommate is moving in this weekend. I'm flying out for vacation. I need someone to move into my Riga apartment by the end of the month. It seems it is all about motion in the month of August.
...speaking about e-motions, I could not hold back tears today at work. I realized (not for the first time) the severity of attachment to someone. The magnitude of relationship where you're accustomed to have someone close, where you're seeking for someone's approval and were you lived for the past 7 years in union with someone, and then not have it anymore. And althought with all of my reason I understand the necessity to move on, it hurt so bad to realize today that besides the pain I feel I have possibly cause the same and maybe even greater pain to someone else that I considered dear. And even thought I realize that we were not compatible in vital aspects of our lives, and to go on would be ill advised, I felt so incredibly sad today. I received an email and for the first time the person I thought had taken it very well, shared the reasoning and feeling behind our separation. And I was so ashamed to have caused pain, and I was so sorry to not have judged better my tolerance limits, and I was very upset at myself for letting and being open to the influence of others in the matter pertaining to our situation in the past months, instead of listening to my heart and letting it be the better judge. I realized that greed was starting to take over my judgment and that I have allowed myself to deviate from my original standing of being as gratefull as I can be to him for the past 7 years. Money comes and money goes and someone needs it more, than others. I believe I can survive and do well on my own, but the relationship once lost will never come back. I am incredably sorry for causing pain and thinking that my pain is great without realizing that pain I've caused someone else might be greater or more hurtfull. I can't believe how complicated the simple relationship is. We glide into relationship with such ease, at least me, without realizing the strength of bonds and suddenly it is over and gone. I'm so thankful for the past 7 years. There was so much good that it far outways all the bad that I remember. And even though I left because of the bad, I still love the person I left, and I hope I can not be a cause for any other pain in his life.
I guess it hit me today that it isn't so easy to find someone who is willing to listen to you and even less easy to find someone who will love you after they've been listening to all the good, bad, nonsence or smart remarks you've had to say. I'm not sure there is one such person for each of us out there, but the people who find someone like that are really, really lucky. I can't say enough thank you to the one I've left behind, for all the years of listening to all I had to say.

Thank you.

almost packed and ready to fly...
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1 more day before vacation...
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