Tuesday is here

not very imaginative but here I am.
Things that are bothering me today are:
:)
I can't have my lunch cause the intern is still sitting at his desk and worn't go have lunch with his girlfriend so that I can be myself. Is that crazy or what. Certain people just have this weired, crazy and unexplainable influence on you/me and I can't feel comfortable around them.

I got another load of sad news from my mom again yesterday...that my uncle/her oldest brother died Sunda night in the hospital in latvia. That's 3 deaths in 6 months of family members. I'm not in shock even for some reason...it is as if that's just what happens in my family and we have to deal with it. I was contemplating about it yesterday and I thought a bit that I might be mad at the people in my family who have died. And somehow I can not be mad because they've given up so young. My mom's oldest brother - just 54.
I suppose my big idea of striking it rich in America and bringing a buttload of money back and to help get the rest of my family back up on their feet makes no sense anymore, because the people who needed the help the most have gone - grandmother, grandfather and mom's 2 brothers. Could I have helped them is my question, but then again they were in their habits so deep I wonder if I would have been able to do anything if they didn't want to change their life themselves.

Third for today I'm claim for certain things that they don't matter and I'm not serious abut them or attached to them....but everything in this life matters, absolutelly everything. I'm not sure if I'm fooling myself or other people - probably both - but even the smallest thing that I claim I don't care about ends up sitting on my mind or bugging me. And even the smalles of relationships that I claim are just random or (conveniant) are essential for me in my life and make me think about them, and worry about them and contemplate if I'm doing it right or not.
And I guess the crappy weather for today could be the final thing that is wrong with this Tuesday:) ...just kidding. I'm actually doing fine...just needed to write and vent.