a revalation of sorts

.....a revalation of my own got to me today... not that it took me by surprise..somewhere in the back of my mind I had a suspicion. I think I should have had by now my own rules and standards and ideas and really think what am I going for in this life and what makes me happy...otherwise my emotions are too sporadic and way too dependant on other people for happyness or therefore lack of it.

I get too sad or too happy too fast just depending on who I talk to and the situation of the day...I feel like a ping pong ball or tennis ball or bowling ball in a game--- it is all a chance or luck which way I will be hit or what will I strike. I think it is very necessary for me to find my own peace, happyness and signals for feeling happy or falling back on something substantial if I don't feel happy that can save me and lift me up again.

..another thought...I'm more sensitive than other people think...I might be talking, talking, talking as if it is nothing but beneath all the talk there is a very sensitive skin so very easy to puncture and poke and pinch with words and facial expressions and actions or lack of them.