went I want it I want it really bad!

Is it only with me...when I want something I want it really bad. Big Daddy coaching seems to have settled on some lonesome flower that we maybe passed on that far spring day when I was coached, because the wisdom hasn't settled a bit into my head. I don't know what I need to do.
It's a plain tragedy...(although I suppose tragedies are never plain). I don't know what I need to do. Affection and opposite sex has a devastating effect on my mind...can't think...can't concentrate...can't, can't, can't. Who ever said that we think about sex (and everything opposite sex related) every 5 min. has obviously not done a study on me. Why is it that I feel so fine certian time and no need for me at all and then I'll see someone and it is like someone turned a switch on and filled my head with blinding light and my eye's..poor eyes can't see straght, can't focus. It has happened to me time and time again.....I DO NOT BELIEVE I WILL EVER CHANGE. People say it will pass with experiance...ok but I've felt like this already for...hm....5 people in the 10 year period. Why haven't I learned yet?????
The other nite I talked to my sex-in-the-city girlie and discussed the horoscopes. I understand it can be an obsurd reasosning form my side...but I can not ignore it.... There are certaint hings that ring so true when I read stuff about me. Am I to deny it, ignore it or search for answers somehwhere else.....and by the way I don't know wxactly were tos earch either.
I admire u jb for knowing the exact reasons why u like someone, but I don't. It just hits me. I see a person...I look at them..maybe don't realize it at first, but one morning I wake up and I know I really, really like them. It might be that I have analized it in my subconscious...but at some point during my REM'S the light has been switched on and I'm blind. I can't organize...anything when it comes to liking someone. I I should probably stop using the l--e word too, probably is too strong, but ok I got a big fire of affection burning inside of me. And by the way once I'm blinded...I don't analize that he might not be the one....at that point I'm able to overlook all the imperfections and incompatabilities...because I'm blind. So there I guess at least one conclusion I have come to....and this has been resonated by my farther this summe..."the heart is big, u can love again and again and again. Ok enough with the love word already. I think I feel lonely again. And it is again due to this affection blindness, when I'm filled with it, everything else seems more sharp, dramatic, so the moments of lonelyness are killing me. I need to find a relief....read? music?run? dancing?....been doing all of these things....nothing works...

ok electronic diary....keep the secret:)