what do I want

I want everything and right now. I feel so restless. I feel like breaking dishes and plates and screeming and jumping and yelling but there's noone around and I feel bottled up inside in some vacuume or space where noone will ever look. Why do I need someone to share this process with me? Because I find a pleasure in the company, I like feeling the warmth of another being besides me. I have been mulling myself and my thoughts over and over and over and I need someone to share if only the silence with. Awwww spring, spring - you bring the warmth and bright sunny skies but you do not bring the blooms to my heart. I feel like my heart has a huge frozen crust laying on it and I have no outlet. I want to peek out sooo badly and see sun and sunny eyes and feel warmth, but it is not coming my way. I want to knock and I feel like whoever will open the door will not be the rescuer, but the scapegoat and I will be mean. Oh why do I want.....