The great camping weekend w/ beer, fire and tonns of laughter:)
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blast of a weekend

well as u can see from the headline, the weekend was awsome. For a person who loves laughing it was 10 out of 10. So nice to do something different than a normal boring weekend. The gathering of old and new friends, the beer, the stories and the wilderness made it all into a great mix of feelings and emotions.

I loved sleeping in tent again like in good old days, I must add there was much more comfort this time than I'm used to. But it didn't subtract anything from the experiance. It is just so nice to sit in a circle of people who like you and like to laugh with you. To lite up the fire and keep feeding it's hungry mouth with more wood. To be brought to tears and stomach cramps by my crazy, foolish doggy who was making everyone laugh and me laughing even more for that. To connect and develop relationships with new people and share thoughts and ideas on the long ride to and back from camp and to rap in the car with Big Daddy:)

All and all one great weekend. Even not taking a shower for 2 days did not spoil the pleasures:)
The advice...all of u go and camp!!!

what am I doing

still at work...what am I doing? Playing around the net and checking out the "Idols" backgrounds for the past 10 min. I really should be going home and not waistin gmy time...but somehow it is peacefull her at work with noone around and I get to do what I want.

I was thinking about friends today....how few I have of them and how fast I attach to good friends and how painful it is to let them go even for a short time. And I'm surprised that even some people in my life who I can't call quite friends I got attached to so surprisingly fast that I'm making a fool out of myself sending them too many emails and not getting any answers.
There must be some chemical in the human body that is responsible for all this attachment. Missing friend on emmotial level and really feeling the void and then missing people on physical level and feeling again the void. Too many voids I think are not good for one person in short period of time...or it can create a black hole:) in them......like me...

What else....it s so foolish the world is full of people yet is it so hard to find the right ones to feel good with, don't you think? There are different personalities, different vibes, different interests and the ones that match with you are rare...the ones you can laugh with from a glance or the ones you don't have to hold your breath with for awckward moments or not appearing thoughts.

And yet on another note I'm looking forward to the weekend company picnic....even though I'm getting no physical activity:) if you know what I mean I will be among the people who make me laugh and among woods and grass and get to experiance the nurture of nature again:)

Tuesday is here

not very imaginative but here I am.
Things that are bothering me today are:
:)
I can't have my lunch cause the intern is still sitting at his desk and worn't go have lunch with his girlfriend so that I can be myself. Is that crazy or what. Certain people just have this weired, crazy and unexplainable influence on you/me and I can't feel comfortable around them.

I got another load of sad news from my mom again yesterday...that my uncle/her oldest brother died Sunda night in the hospital in latvia. That's 3 deaths in 6 months of family members. I'm not in shock even for some reason...it is as if that's just what happens in my family and we have to deal with it. I was contemplating about it yesterday and I thought a bit that I might be mad at the people in my family who have died. And somehow I can not be mad because they've given up so young. My mom's oldest brother - just 54.
I suppose my big idea of striking it rich in America and bringing a buttload of money back and to help get the rest of my family back up on their feet makes no sense anymore, because the people who needed the help the most have gone - grandmother, grandfather and mom's 2 brothers. Could I have helped them is my question, but then again they were in their habits so deep I wonder if I would have been able to do anything if they didn't want to change their life themselves.

Third for today I'm claim for certain things that they don't matter and I'm not serious abut them or attached to them....but everything in this life matters, absolutelly everything. I'm not sure if I'm fooling myself or other people - probably both - but even the smallest thing that I claim I don't care about ends up sitting on my mind or bugging me. And even the smalles of relationships that I claim are just random or (conveniant) are essential for me in my life and make me think about them, and worry about them and contemplate if I'm doing it right or not.
And I guess the crappy weather for today could be the final thing that is wrong with this Tuesday:) ...just kidding. I'm actually doing fine...just needed to write and vent.

So here is another Monday

Well here I got for all of you out there (and that's primarily Jenn:)) who listen to me. It is another Monday....it has not yet shown it's face what kind of Monday it is going to turn out.
But I'm at work. My favorite architect didn't show up for work today...he's sick....so already I'm missing out on a tonne for laughs and Las Vegas jokes.

And the intern showed up today unexpectedly...I think he was supposed to start work next Monday but here he is.....as cute if not cuter then last summer....and I've discovered already that I feel frozen and can't quite act as myself already even though this is my workspace too and I should feel more at home here than he does...but oh well. I've even cursed myself already for wearing the pants today, because they are so tight and show all the spots that I still have to address in the gym:(
I'm so silly and I know I should get my head together and stop paying attention to such nonsense and work extra hard today....since I slacked off a little last week.

And for my friend Jenn out there in the sunny (hopefully) Eirope take care of yourself and just plunge into affairs as they come. They can't get you if you mess up:) u know......there will be oceans inbetween u just incase u fancy some hot italian dude:)
and on another note...I miss u already....guess I will have to warm up to Mario....but it seems a little hard to tell all your secrets to a dude.

Ok. Love and I hope to get a postcard from you at some point.

Good luck Pug with your travels.... I miss u.

Happy hour time

End of work day is rapidly approaching and I'm am ready to call it a week for reals. I've been struggling through this day for sure. Don't know if it's the crapy weather or what else not but I' glad it is Friday 5.38p.m. and time to head out.

My friend is in town for one last night and then she's headed to big motherland Europe:)....I can't wait when I'm headed that direction. I'ts been almost 3 years which is way too long to not go back home. I so envy her for even going that direction and I'm sure she's in for a blast European style....yeah baby:)

Ok....enough writting and more getting my stuff together and going for beers.
Cheers...proziit or Sveikaaa...whichever sounds right. I'm out.

getting ready for summer

... Today I would say I had my real first workout...
a co-worker of mine suggested we go running outside instead of staying in the gym and I said ok... Little did I know that he had whole 6 miles of running in his mind and I taged along....
...I haven't ran so far in one stretch since 11th grade in high-school:) and my legs feel a little shaky right now...but I'm proud of myself that I actually made it back to the office and it took us less time than we had estimated.
...I am very convinced that I held Eric back but it was really nice of him to wait for me and slow himself down to keep me company...

...well maybe someday I'll be better and I will be able to run the whole stretch of Georgetown - Memorial Bridge - Rosslyn - KeyBridge - Georgetown stretch without huffing and puffing and slowing down for walks.

a message form a friend

I got a message today from a friend back home.......such a long time has passed....some 8 or more years. We used to live in the same block house back home and her dad used to give me a ride to school in the morning in their tiny, tiny car:) (smile)

Inguna has turned out to be quite a good-looking young woman with a field of pretty freckles on her face like me.....
It is so interesting to get a message from such an old friend...such a long, long time stretches between back then and now...but we can pick up a conversation as if no time has passed at all...it feels like we just resumed talking after a 5 min pause. It is like that with alot of people I believe who share their childhood together...no matter how far back they go...there is this feeling of a shared yesterday that's in common and we can always start from that again and it feels so good and close and natural.
I haven't really observed that feeling with any of the friends acquired in the years I've spent away from Latvia....maybe because the feeling of childhood has past and when u form a grown up relatioship u have a more realistic idea of what is coming and maybe a less dreamy approach to it all...either way it is not the same. It can be good different but not like picking up a topic with a childhood friend.

a revalation of sorts

.....a revalation of my own got to me today... not that it took me by surprise..somewhere in the back of my mind I had a suspicion. I think I should have had by now my own rules and standards and ideas and really think what am I going for in this life and what makes me happy...otherwise my emotions are too sporadic and way too dependant on other people for happyness or therefore lack of it.

I get too sad or too happy too fast just depending on who I talk to and the situation of the day...I feel like a ping pong ball or tennis ball or bowling ball in a game--- it is all a chance or luck which way I will be hit or what will I strike. I think it is very necessary for me to find my own peace, happyness and signals for feeling happy or falling back on something substantial if I don't feel happy that can save me and lift me up again.

..another thought...I'm more sensitive than other people think...I might be talking, talking, talking as if it is nothing but beneath all the talk there is a very sensitive skin so very easy to puncture and poke and pinch with words and facial expressions and actions or lack of them.

Guilty as charged

Well, I'm sorry but I finally have to admit....I have faults!!:)
I think I might have upset more than one person over the weekends and one very dear friend as well.
This time the issue is my phone manners.
I do know some true things about myself and one of them is - that I hide my head in the sand like ostrich when I don't want to be found....sorry. I have the bad habit of not answering phone calls and turning my phone off when I want to be by myself or I don't want to be interrupted. I know it doesn't resolve anything and leaves a caller in the dark as to what my intentions are....bad, bad bad. I know it is very silly and childish and uncurteous to other people in my life, but it is a very stong trait in my personality. I honestly promise I will improve at least for those certain dear people in my life who I call friends. I know it isn't nice to them and makes me a bad friend.

I'll try to answer every phone call I get within 10-30 min intervals from now on, no matter if I feel like going or staying or being alone or not.
Well that's my mid-May resolution for myself.

On the other note, the weekend was exciting and boaring at the same time. It kind of kept changing back and forth. No real resolution still as of my freedom and it's killing me. Yet not killing me enough to not go out and explore new horizons and experiances...

uhh..for such a long time I haven't scanned anything in...well here I am...it's nice to be able to loock back sometimes.
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Me and Donkey
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what's up with thinking

why do we always think....
I wish I could just stop the current of the thoughts in the head for just a fraction of time...but it seems to have a mind of it's own and keeps thinking.
Silly ideas like pleaseure and guilt and openness and moldability and revenge.....hm...what a combo:)
Yesterday I had a thought if I was to die tomorrow...what would I want to do on the day before last to not have to regret not having done it. No surprrises there....sex:)
I'm not sure If i'm in the riight state of mind...but that's the only mide I've got right now.
I'm looking forward the weekend of drinking and dancing and getting together with friends and making the most of it while I'm in the "corner".
A friend's blog revealed me that her favorite word ( for the day at least) is compassion... I think someone is exhausted from all the studying and needs to feel loved. Those long distance relatioships would be quite complete if you cold hug your computer and feel the warmth of the other person....however that's not happening.
And what is a [relation-ship] anyways..... you're relating to someone, their thoughts their movement....the way they look at you, the way they think.....
....so where does the "ship" part come in?