the week is about to begin

all and all it was a nice weekend. I managed to do almost everything I set out to do over the past 2 days, except going to work. It will be right in my face tomorrow, but I just absolutelly COULDN'T make myself go to work. Had a thought this morning, but it pretty much dissapeared the minute I felt the wonderful sun on my skin and in my hair. I went rock-climbing with a friend in Alexandria. Hm...let's see....the instructor was HOT.....and did I mention that the instructor was HOT:).....expecially with a harness on and shorts way tight around his hips....
ha ha ha...ok the climbing was hot too. I would definitelly like to return there if not for the HOT instuctor (who has plans on becoming a big shot lawyer and move to NY this summer......hey peaches maybe you should have come to the climbing with me????:):):):) one more familiar face in NY with big muscular arms and skinny waist never hurts....
ok
later in the day....went and cleaned THOROUGHLY my car:) it is shining inside and out right now! And went to the old house to walk the doggy. She was sooooooooo cute. She was rolling on her back for a long time when I took her to the park and we sat down to look at the sky for a while. I made back home in the evening and had a chess match with Mango, who is still alive:) and still speaking to me after the benadryl incident. I shall never play the nurse again, well maybe only a pretend one during sex:)
ready to make my bed now and dream about being a fake nurse:):):) kidding...but u never know:)

cold inside hot outside

saturday....the house is cold, but the weather outside is fantastic. Haven't done anything much today except waking up late. Almost killing my roommate by giving him a wrong pill for the headache and oh well, dropping my car off for service, well at least that's a good thing.
Ok. short one today. Will be back soon:)

a minute before sleep

It is barely past midnight. And I'm half in my bed already. The thoughs were wondering around so I thought to talk to my online diary. The day was busy. My eyes are so tired, I wish to close them and not dream at all, just rest for 7 hours. Peaches has disappeared somewhere for day's now. School or BD? Anywho. Got a new gadget, my camera can now take videos of up to 1 hour and 20 mintues. I was told by Mango that people will really start hating me for filming them non-stop:) but it is so cool, to capture actual voices, you can listen to them later over and over and remember the subtle nuances that were present during the conversation even if it was about absolutelly nothing. A busy weekend ahead.

Goodnight.

waiting for cupid:)

2-1/2 more hours to go in this Wednesday workday. I believe my garage is now a blessing in disguise. I refused to pay for the garage entrance key and the garage closes at 9.00p.m. so everyday I'm forced to leave work 8.50p.m to get to my car. I thought it was really inconveniante but know I'm thankful for the push otherwise I could have had nights probably were I was to be here much longer than I wanted to. Actually I don't want to stay till 8.50p.m. but I'll be content with this saving bell of sorts.

Another day of exhaustion, running around, endless phone calls, running to a meeting and coming back, missing another meeting and having to negotiate for more time for a project. We always need more time and there never is more time. Everything needed to be done yesterday, that's the statement we get everyday. Meanwhile people keep changing things around even in the last minute. For at least one item I can blame myself...I hadn't predicted the outcome, however I wasn't told by the manufacturer that a specific type of configuration isn't available and I believe I asked at the beginning and was given a positive asnwer. At this point it is so hard to track what I was told at the beginning, I believe I would need an equal amount of time each day just to record all of my phone conversations. I don't understand how some people do it. My desk looks like a sample truck exploded on it. I can't see the bottom of it anymore. Yet in this chaos I guess there is still some order for me. I haven't lost anything yet...knock on fake wood sample:). I'm exhausted.....I'm happy for work, but sometimes there's just so much of it. I want to do a good job, but that would mean to exceed the expectations a lot of times I would have to not go to sleep at night at all and just continue working. I haven't read a book again in some time. I so want to have time for my own self education. I want to take a class or read a book or prepare for an exam, but I just can't find any time. The day's are just running by.

I think however, if I was shot with a cupid's arrow:) I would find time....right now nothing else require my full attention except my work...so I'm deep in my elbows in it. I wish I had an option of another kind of sail, but for now...it doesn't exist. The birds who announced the spring did not bring me a heart that desires my attention and mine is waiting in silence, althought inside I have a tornado of emotions waiting to be released. A bit scary I guess, but one heart is capable of loving again and again and again....that's what my dad said last summer.

making myself crazy

...listening probably for the 50st time to a song. Started out happy, then nostalgic, then long-full, then sad, then just listening, listening, listening trying to kill as many sensory nerves as possible to forget why I am listening to this song. I deleted the photograph. Oh why does spring has to bring this type of longing??? One's norm is another persons dismay. One's everyday is another's heaven. One's illussions are another's reality. One's words are another person's bible. The interpretations are endless. Where is my spectrum. Where is my limit and end for all unreasonable expectations. I don't even know what is so unreasonable. Things that to others seem to come smoothly to me seem to not come at all. Things that develop into nice conversations and mutual exploration end in a dead wall. Am I to read the writting on the wall? Well there is no writting to read, that's the sad part. What am I a sucker for? What is it that catches my attention and grabs me so hard I have a need to listen to one totally unintentionally played song and trying to read into it what doesn't exist. I'm building my own sand castle from particles I can't see. And here I am again. Boasting of happiness found, yet suffocating for tenderness that doens't exist in my life. Yes everything else seems to be going swell, things are in their place lining up, spring is here, work is here, friends are here... the much necessary revival of my heart is trapped somewhere in chains and has no intention of coming and finding me.

Stupid loveless fascination - what's the meaning???

Return from the silence?:)

Well I just looked at the last date and realized time has flied by again. Short note today thought. I'm exhausted, ready to wrap it up here at work and go home, cook comething warm and tasty (if I can) and lay back and rest. I felt so sickly today. I was off my meds for 3 days, again mostly because of my forgetfullness. Woke up at 6.00a.m. this morning and absolutelly hated it. I think my brain forgets to reqire in the morning after the nights rest if I get up at 6.00a.m. felt effects of not completed rest cycle ALL DAY. Felt cold and icky and moody and irritated, really irritated with the people the first half of the day. Now getting better though. Ok. I think I want a warm tea with honey and something else nice, that I don't know yet what. Will write again soon.

taking my 5th break from late nite torment

fingers hurting as I'm typing. In a minute or so will return to the cutting board to cut away in straigh lines more foam core, but for now letting my fingers roam accross the soft keys. I miss the soft keys. The computer at home broke down, annoyance for me with a brand new computer. Thought Dell was an ok company, but starting to have my doubts. Haven't enjoyed the real sunlight in what seams ages, yet have subscribed to it myself. Listening in the background to weird african drum music with some dude huffing and puffing:) the weird things my iPOD brings to me during this late night workathon. Really looking towards my next weekend which I will actually use for myself, not to catch up on things due. Ok. gotta go and slave some more. Outro.

ready to go home?!#$***

my elbows are killing me, all day up agains the desk, trying to support my fingers and the typing process, never ending typing process for the specs.aaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh, save me.
I'm ready to go home in exactly 4 min. not staying a minute longer here in this place that is sucking all my free time like a black hole. Well ok, I have admitted voluntarily that I kind of like it here so I can't complain about it, but still, I want to have more chances to smell the spring rain and blossoms that I've only seen so far at Home Depot and through my car window on or back from work. Can't feel my a*s from sitting as well. Is there a solution???

Ok, just short paragraph of little statement of my exhausted state of mind. The roommate is certainly not helping roling in at 4.a.m. making a full blown late nite dinner with friends and laughing in full throat under neath my window for an hour. Not enough of passing, roaring trains at night, but had to suffer from crazy laughter. Ok. I'm done:).