waiting for cupid:)

2-1/2 more hours to go in this Wednesday workday. I believe my garage is now a blessing in disguise. I refused to pay for the garage entrance key and the garage closes at 9.00p.m. so everyday I'm forced to leave work 8.50p.m to get to my car. I thought it was really inconveniante but know I'm thankful for the push otherwise I could have had nights probably were I was to be here much longer than I wanted to. Actually I don't want to stay till 8.50p.m. but I'll be content with this saving bell of sorts.

Another day of exhaustion, running around, endless phone calls, running to a meeting and coming back, missing another meeting and having to negotiate for more time for a project. We always need more time and there never is more time. Everything needed to be done yesterday, that's the statement we get everyday. Meanwhile people keep changing things around even in the last minute. For at least one item I can blame myself...I hadn't predicted the outcome, however I wasn't told by the manufacturer that a specific type of configuration isn't available and I believe I asked at the beginning and was given a positive asnwer. At this point it is so hard to track what I was told at the beginning, I believe I would need an equal amount of time each day just to record all of my phone conversations. I don't understand how some people do it. My desk looks like a sample truck exploded on it. I can't see the bottom of it anymore. Yet in this chaos I guess there is still some order for me. I haven't lost anything yet...knock on fake wood sample:). I'm exhausted.....I'm happy for work, but sometimes there's just so much of it. I want to do a good job, but that would mean to exceed the expectations a lot of times I would have to not go to sleep at night at all and just continue working. I haven't read a book again in some time. I so want to have time for my own self education. I want to take a class or read a book or prepare for an exam, but I just can't find any time. The day's are just running by.

I think however, if I was shot with a cupid's arrow:) I would find time....right now nothing else require my full attention except my work...so I'm deep in my elbows in it. I wish I had an option of another kind of sail, but for now...it doesn't exist. The birds who announced the spring did not bring me a heart that desires my attention and mine is waiting in silence, althought inside I have a tornado of emotions waiting to be released. A bit scary I guess, but one heart is capable of loving again and again and again....that's what my dad said last summer.